The Dark Ink

Silence greeted, unleashing the solidarity I never knew I had,
Making the world seem stupid and silly;
And the people in it undeserving of my kindness and attention.
Making me the only sane one,
With no attachments;
– Shruti Bevara

There comes a point in life when holding on, fixing or hoping feels too hefty of a task. There is an undefinable taste on the tongue and in the mind. That feels bitter, sour and indigestible. Whether it is about people or set of circumstances throughout the course of life. It becomes entirely impossible to move. To carry on, to rub it off of ourselves and step forward with new hope and pride.
The bitterness offers a fresh perspective. It unveils a subtle realization. A new possibility is brought forth with such realization –
“Where attachment ends, liberty begins.”

What is detachment?

Detachment is the conscious ability to separate ourselves from the outcome of a situation.

Detachment can be defined in both rigid and fluid forms. While fluidity is considered healthy, rigid detachment is often considered a mental disorder. No, I am not trying to scare you with the ‘rigid’ information. I am just making a point to never give (entirely) into your mind’s control.
Anyways, back to the topic.

Detachment is such a devised, concocted and concealed weapon. So secretive and exclusive that it takes an army or more, to defeat a detached person.
Detachment is often misunderstood for coldness, escapism and indifference. Having no response or affect to the worldly affairs or the people in it.

Detachment is a subtle and gentle surrender to the unknown supreme. To life, to the gods, to the factors out of one’s control. We live in a world where attachment is sought, praised and promoted. But there is a flip side to the roses-and-rainbows world. That emerges in the darkest hours, in the worst nightmares and the most failed moments. That creates a realization of impermanence.

Detachment is a state of consciousness. In its truest form, it is not about disconnecting from life. It is about engaging with life more clearly, more freely, and more wisely.

Well, that is a lot of definitions on Detachment. Pick one that speaks and resonates with you the most.

Why We Struggle to Let Go?

The psychological answer to this would be, our mind seeks connection, wired to hold on, to root. Rooted in people, beliefs, culture, and objects and in stories about who we are. Much of our identity as individuals gets entangled with the external things like job, relationship, a social image, and opinions.

Letting go of such attachments feels like losing a part of ourselves. But the deeper truth is that nothing external is permanent.
People change. Circumstances shift.
The more tightly we grip, the more we suffer when the inevitable change arrives.

The Power of Detachment –

The practice of detachment is not a one-time transaction. It is a lifetime subscription. In Modern Psychology, detachment from external things creates a space for internal observation, emotional regulation and setting boundaries wherever needed.

When you practice detachment, numerous things happen, such as –

1. Responsive. You become responsive, rather than reactive. You respond with calm, you think, analyse and then speak.
2. Lose Control. You do not go haywire in every situation. You understand that not everything is under your control. It should not be under your control, and that is acceptable.
3. Discover Your Energy. When you detach, you stop pouring your emotional energy into things and people that do not serve your growth. You pick and choose what deserves your focus and attention.
4. Resilience. Detachment gives you immunity. Where your identity is not wrapped in the reactions of people, or any external circumstances, for that matter. You bounce back faster from failure, and disappointment does not destroy you. it fuels you.
5. Clarity. Detachment removes the rose colored glasses we wear. It bifurcates the world from ‘how we wish to see it’ to ‘how it actually is’. Observation and detachment give access to clarity.

How to Cultivate Detachment?

Detachment is a mindset. And like any mindset, it can be trained. Cultivating a habit of detachment is a daily mindful practice, like I said, a lifetime subscription. It does not involve a total shutdown from the world or avoiding your emotional cues. But the exact opposite of it. Detachment is about having a beautifully fulfilled life. A life where the external circumstances do not control, differ or affect your outcome. Detachment teaches Individuality in all senses.
Keeps the water below your head, gives you peace amid chaos.

How do we own this beautifully concocted weapon? let’s see –

1. Practice Mindfulness. The training begins with meditation. Awareness is created and observed when your mind is at ease. Meditation creates that state of ease.
2. Observation. Your mind is always foggy, always absent. Observe, start with the smallest tasks, how your body moves, how you sit, talk, and your hand movements. Go further, notice how you feel, in the very moment. Try to describe it, name that emotion.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries. Total detachment is unacceptable. There should always be a limit to what extent you would tolerate people, situations and emotions. Create that limit. Do not shut the world out, but communicate your limit.
4. Accept Uncertainty. Accept the hard fact that Life is uncertain. (Including everything in it, yes, count yourself in too.) Nothing is in your control. People change.
   Circumstances change. Emotions change. Do not slip into shock when someone changes, when their perception does not align with yours. Accept and Move on.
5. Embrace Solitude. Solitude is not loneliness. Solitude is emotional independence. Spend time alone, sit in silence, read a book, enjoy music, take quiet walks, journal your heart out.
   Learn the language of your own mind. Gain a command over it. Understand it.

Life gets easier when you loosen the grip. Detachment isn’t a switch that you flip, it is a muscle in your brain that you build. You are not bound or chained by other people, their actions, feelings or emotions. And you sure as hell are not responsible for others’ actions.
Detachment is not apathy or indifference or inability to feel.
Detachment is choosing where to invest our emotions, attention and action. Creates a sense of emotional independence. Liberty. Clarity.

Learn to unlearn the guilt, the dependence. Forgive yourself for over-pouring from your (potentially empty) cup. And start practising to put yourself first. Fill your cup first. Take care of yourself, so that you can take care of others.
Detach from the outer world to discover the beauty your inner self has created. To witness the magic, the peace, the tranquillity it offers.

Know yourself enough that someone’s opinion or validation does not become your fact and reality.
Detachment teaches Individuality.

Until next time;
Stay True! Stay Positive! Stay You!
Shruti