The Dark Ink

To feel joy and happiness, you have to feel the pain of being broken,
To see a beautiful sunrise, you have to experience a dark night,
You have to feel numbness first, to enjoy the complex emotions.
You have to be nothing first, to be something, or someone later;

WHO ARE YOU?

Oh, yes! This is going to be one complex blog that will make you question your entire existence. Are you ready for the most thrilling roller coaster ride of emotions?

Who are you? This question throws us back to the kindergarten age, where we are taught to ‘introduce’ ourselves you know the drill, your name, your father’s name, your address, and whatnot. What I am asking you is, Who Are You? Minus the name, what position you hold, what you do for a living. Who Are You? When you are not –

• Associated with your name,
• Your family relations,
• With your job, the company you work for,
• The position you hold,
• Your family background,
• Your race, ethnicity, or religion.
  
  Have you ever questioned yourself, what are you like before becoming someone’s relation? or before you are defined by the position you hold? Before you establish yourself through various roles and responsibilities.
• Who are you as an Individual?
• What are you like, as an Individual?
• What makes you different from others?
• What are your emotions like?
• What complexities do you hold?
• What are your strengths and what makes you weak?
  

We are so consumed by the roles we play in others’ lives that we forget we play the main character in our stories and that we ought to do justice to ourselves too.
“Define Yourself” - Speak out the first thing that pops into your mind.
Now observe and analyze your answer, what does it say? Does it signify your position and relation or does it talk about You as a person?

I know it is overwhelming, a lot of questions, whipping your mind as a reader, but it is high time that we define ourselves just as we are, no strings attached, don’t you think?
So, just hold on a little longer, and trust me with the process by the end of this blog, you will be able to define yourself on your merits.

Do’s and Don’ts

More like Do’s of knowing yourself better. Let’s walk in front of the mirror first, What do you see? More importantly, Who do you see? Do you see a failed person? Or someone with ‘potential’ for the greater good? Or someone proud of what they see in the mirror? Of the person, they have become over the years. Look into your eyes, and observe what you find, fear, pride, or raging fire?

Failed person means you see the disappointment in your eyes, even though everything seems to have faded to oblivion, there is still light within you, that is peaking through the darkness, so let it out, believe in yourself, and trust yourself just as you trust someone you love. Unlock your greatest potential.

Potential If you see potential in your eyes, that means you already believe in yourself maybe not enough but you know your capabilities, your limitations, and the amount of work you can put in to get what you wish. What is stopping you then? Your lazy demeanor? Or procrastination? Find it. Fight it.

Proud Person If you find yourself content with what you ‘have’ then think again, you might find new goals. But if you are content with what you ‘are’ then you have found yourself, you have given the work it takes, the time, the dedication, and the love it takes to become what you are now. Congratulations! You did it.

Let us talk about the DOs to find and define you. Small tasks and a hell lot of patience are required to reach your goal. Only if you are ready to find yourself, the biggest accomplishment of your life.

Observation. Start observing yourself for everything that you do. We do many things that have no explanation, out of habit or spite. Observe your moves, and start talking to yourself as if you are different. Conversate like an intellect, between you and your mind.

Let Go. Let go of everything that holds a strong negative space in your mind and heart. Forget the negative events, and forgive people who tried their ways to cause harm. Not to release them from their faults but to release you from the infinite hell of self-sabotage. To introduce you to self-love.

Spend time alone. No, it does not mean pushing everyone out of your life but allocating time just for yourself, doing what you love, discovering more about yourself, and listening to your mind speak because (trust me) it chatters a lot. Do things you would never do alone, go watch a movie alone, eat in a restaurant, go shopping alone, a long drive, or do anything that introduces you to the real you.

Journal. Be it physical or digital, journal the life out of you! There are days when we feel like we need to vent, and let things out of this heaving chest but are afraid of judgment, are too personal to share it with anyone else, or just need expert advice. Journal, write it down on paper (or type it, whatever suits you the best) just get it out of your chest. Journaling is an act of self-reflection. reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and feelings, and let them flow like a river.

Prioritize. Prioritize you. Drive back the love, care, and affection you have for others to yourself. The amount of understanding and empathy you possess for others show the same level of comfort to yourself too. You come first, above all. You stand straight, and then you hold others upright. Show yourself love then multiply it. Fill your cup first, then pour into others’ cups.

Love Yourself. You radiate warmth and happiness when you are filled with love from within. Hug yourself like you would hug a tree ( for those who find hugging a tree weird, imagine hugging your loved one) Show the same love you would, for your loved one, actually, more. Maintain your inner sanity, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and be more gentle with yourself. Do not believe otherwise, you deserve to be loved and celebrated. (Despite what the devilish voice says).


Now comes the time for the “strict” NO-NOs or Don’ts when it comes to owning yourself –

Dependence. Do not base your happiness on the actions of other people in your life. Their words and actions affect their lives only. You do not have control over their actions but you surely have control over your emotions. You do not need ‘validation’ from people (can be parents, siblings, spouse, or friends even) for your actions. Build yourself on your own basis, your own foundation.

Vision. You tend to find beauty in the flawed because of the way you see things, so, when you see yourself, be kind enough to see and love yourself with all the flaws. When you envision yourself, do not just see the bright side or the darkness that resides within you. Envision the ‘whole’ of you. Do not just cling to the darkness and assume it is you, dare to peak on the other side too.

Attention and Respect. Do not expect people to attend to you because you ‘achieved’ something. Expect appreciation from the unknown and criticism from the known. Respect comes from the way you conduct yourself, and the way you treat yourself. Respect starts from within and radiates with your energy. No one will respect you if you look down upon yourself.

Unrealistic Goals. Refrain from setting unrealistic goals. Self-love and self-healing do not come within numbered days, it is a lifestyle; an adaptation. It comes from habitual changes. It does not happen overnight takes years of dedication, patience, and self-work. Setting unrealistic goals and wishing to achieve them in said number of years is like talking in the dead air. Small goals, small changes, achievements, and small habit changes throughout life, transform us into who we actually want to be.

We all have one life, 24 hours a day to live it like ourselves as fully as possible. Leaving no room for regrets, mistakes, guilt, and sorrow, yes life happens, sometimes it hits us like a damn truck but it rewards us for being brave too.
Look for those blessings in disguises, an act of kindness, a selfless person, unconditional love in any form, and be grateful for witnessing the beauty called life;

So, the next time someone asks you to define yourself, be sure to introduce yourself for how you see yourself.
You are no less than a blessing in someone’s life, hold on to your kind side and move ahead with courage and self-love.
Walk with dignity, respect yourself, and set your standards high, do not bow down to any offer that is less than what you deserve!
Cheers to the year that has been a blessing in disguise, like every lesson, the year has come to an end.

2024, we await your arrival. To the year of self-love and self-discovery!

Stay True! Stay Positive! Stay Safe!
Until we meet again in the next blog,
Leave down your thoughts in the comment section.

P.S. I have changed the entire interface of my blog (as if you haven’t seen that already). Hope you all will like it. Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments.

Happy New Year!
Shruti.