Happy Father’s Day,
Today, the internet will be filled with Father’s Day messages and quotations- maybe a few heartfelt letters talking about their sacrifices, unwavering love towards their families, and the countless ways they became the ‘first’ superhero in the kids’ lives.
And they deserve every ounce of love and celebration there is.
But we are here for an entirely different purpose.
A quieter, more impactful question, one that I wonder is asked often enough –
Who were you, Dad, before becoming a Father?
Before You Became Everything For Us
Before you became the provider.
Before responsibilities shaped your days and nights.
Before you gently tucked away your dreams so that ours can take flight.
Who were you?
I imagine a young boy, eyes filled to the brim with dreams, with a carefree smile.
A teenager who’s planning his summer with his friends, exploring new friendships and taking risks with no caution.
A college student with dreams too big for his notebook and ambition tucked beneath his sleeve.
Am I imagining it right, Dad?
The Hero We Celebrate, The Man We Rarely Know-
I have heard people say, “My father is a hero”.
But I rarely hear people ask, “At what cost did he become one?”
How much do we truly know about our fathers? –
What dreams kept them awake at night?
Did they get to live their dream before responsibility took over?
What were they really afraid of?
Did they have any regrets they never spoke of?
The Man Behind The Title Of Father-
I’ll tell you what we know about them, though-
Their favorite food.
Whether they are Tea/Coffee person.
Their Sugar Levels and Blood Pressure.
We know they get wrinkles when they smile.
When they wake up and what their morning ritual is like.
One phone call a day to ask their whereabouts, and that five-minute call decides the entire well-being of the parent.
Do we know the dreams they quietly buried decades ago?
But do we really know the man behind the title of Father?
Fathers Were Human Before They Were Fathers-
Perhaps part of growing up into adults is realizing that our fathers were never only our fathers.
They were sons.
They were children.
Dreamers.
Young men who had ambitions.
They were people,
People who loved, lost, failed, feared, admired, and hoped;
Long before they became everything for us.
We are here to remind the world that fathers are, in fact, Human.
The Dreams They Quietly Set Aside-
In between the adulting and providing for the family they came from and the family they created, they grew responsible.
Somewhere along the way, their dreams grew quieter.
Some were postponed. Some changed shape.
And some fathers simply learned to find joy in dreams that no longer belonged to them.
They stood behind the curtains, backstage, supporting, contributing to someone else’s dreams.
They dimmed their lights and found happiness in the dreams of their loved ones, silently supporting us, saying –
“Everything is possible, dear child; you just never give up on yourself and on your dream.”
Men Were Never Taught To Feel-
Unlike a handful of fathers who know how to use their words, most fathers speak through actions.
Men are not emotional, they say, but I say they were never taught to feel.
Never been told it is okay to feel certain emotions and that won’t make them any less of a man or any less of a provider.
Men hide.
Hide their feelings.
Hide their emotions.
Hide their sadness.
Hide their disappointment.
They were never allowed to express.
Growing Up Means Understanding Our Fathers-
Maybe that is why so many fathers appear rigid.
Not because they do not love deeply.
But because they were raised in a world where affection was rationed, and vulnerability was mistaken for weakness.
Nobody taught them how to speak about their fears.
Nobody taught them that love could be soft too.
So, they loved the only way they knew;
Through sacrifices,
Through responsibilities,
Through waking up every day and choosing his family, choosing to show up for them, choosing their growth.
Their strictness often became another form of protection.
And perhaps that is why growing up also means forgiving our fathers a little.
For the words they did not know.
For the affection they struggled to express.
For being human while trying so desperately to appear strong.
For the mistakes they made along the way, learning from their mistakes while paving a safer and more comfortable way for us.
Not As My Father, But As A Person-
This piece isn’t about glorifying dads in our lives; it’s about reckoning.
About the most important and curious question –
Who were you, Dad, before you became a father?
This article is about realization,
It is not sad, not nostalgic, and definitely not a gratitude letter to fathers.
I have loved you all my life, but I have never really known you as a person.
Maybe that is why I am finally ready,
I have spent my whole life calling you Dad.
I think I am finally ready to know you as a person, and not as a role.
For the men behind the title,
For the stories we live,
and the feelings we struggle to name.
If you found a piece of yourself in these words, come back for the stories yet to be told.
A quiet corner of the internet is waiting for you.
Subscribe to Dark Ink.
— Shruti Surya Bevara,
Still writing,
Still figuring things out;
The Dark Ink 
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